I am still riding the emotional roller-coaster.
For the past few months it has been like that, some days good, some days bad. I really hate it when it’s bad. She shifts from one emotional state to another in an instant, in a snap.
Like yesterday, we were still fine during lunch and after her shift. We were even OK after crossing Ortigas Ave. Inside the cab, something happened. I don’t know what.
Usually, inside the cab, I can hold her hand, embrace her, hug her. Closeness. But yesterday, something was wrong. There was a gap. Something was missing. Something.
Was it something I said? During lunch, she told me that she was meeting number 1. Number 1? Ouch. To get tickets, papers, forms. Ok, so they’ll meet again. Fine. Good. At least, they’ll clear things up. A double-edged sword again. I was a bit joking around that notion. Even inside the cab.
Something I did? This, I am still clueless. Was it the thing the boss made me do right before we left the office? She waited for me for like around half an hour.
Was it the hot weather?It was so darn hot. It was almost 11am. The sun is REALLY up.
There we were, on our way to the mall near her place. With the gap. She’s not looking at me. She’s not speaking to me. Nothing. I held her hand, she’s not responding. Argh. It is as if I was with … no one.
At Wendy’s, she was still like that. I tried starting several conversations… Nada. All I got was simple replies. Was I talking to a stranger? She was in an emotionless state. Well, at least towards me.
To the taxi bay, I thought she’ll ride with me to her place. Lo and behold, she was to take a cab, on her own, to go to Number 1’s place. Double argh. So, that was her plan. She intentionally left out that MAJOR piece of information. All along, I was thinking that they would meet at the mall or at her place. Well, she did evade my questions as to where they would meet. Conspiracy theory.
Well, she did wait for me for around 30 minutes…
She took time to eat with me…
She let me hold her hand. Hug her.
She opted to for a half-day of work today @ 5:38pm. How did i know? I asked around. Now, like a few more people knows that we are not in a good state. Taking care of her dad? No sleep? Quality time?
No text messages from her. Well, my messages needs no reply. But does that mean she won’t send me anything? Do not disturb?
Do I not deserve that much courtesy? Am I still that much far away from you? Gazillion miles away?